


dick leave best leave

by hi_raeth



Series: reblog (mini fics + prompt fills) [16]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Reylo is central to the plot but not the fic??, and yet there's still background friends to lovers because i'm nothing if not on brand, finn and poe are the real stars here, ngl this is pretty cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 10:17:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hi_raeth/pseuds/hi_raeth
Summary: In which Rey inadvertently creates a new kind of sick leave when she takes the day off to play hooky with Ben.Alternatively: all bow down to diasterisms, She Who Coined the Term 'Dick Leave'.





	dick leave best leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [diasterisms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/diasterisms/gifts).



> **Rey (08:37):  
> ** Hey, Poe. Sorry for the short notice but I don’t think I’ll be coming in today. Came down with a stomach bug sometime last night.

This is the first time Rey’s called in sick since she joined Resistance two years ago, and that alone is enough to make Poe worry. He’s found her working through tears on multiple occasions when her cramps are particularly bad _and_ she was the only person who came into work after last year’s company picnic gave nearly everyone food poisoning, so there’s no way a simple stomach bug could’ve bested her.

Finn walks past his open door just then, and Poe quickly flags him down. “Hey, have you heard from Rey?”

“Not since Saturday,” Finn tells him, seemingly unconcerned until he picks up on Poe’s mood. “Why, what’s wrong? Is she okay?”

Poe holds out his phone and lets him read the text for himself, watching as Finn’s brows furrow in a combination of concern and confusion. “If it’s bad enough to keep her home, there’s no way it’s just a stomach bug.”

“Yeah, that’s what I was thinking,” Poe sighs. “I’m gonna call and see if she needs any help.”

His first attempt goes unanswered as Finn comes to lean against his desk, but the second call proves more successful when Rey answers after a mere three rings, her voice shaky and breathless. Poe can only imagine how terrible she must be feeling.

“Hello?”

He puts her on speakerphone as Finn leans in. “Rey? Hey, it’s Poe. Just checking to see if you need anything–”

Something in the background cuts him short, a rumbling that _almost_ sounds like–

“ _Shh_ ,” Rey hisses sharply, voice muffled by distance until she addresses him again. “Sorry, yeah, I’m here,” she assures him in a hurry, still sounding out of breath. “Thanks for checking on me, but I’ll be okay, Poe. Probably just something I ate last night, I’m sure it’ll pass in a day– _Hey_!”

Rey muffles the call on her end once more, but he _swears_ he hears laughter and that background rumble again–

“Or two, you never know with these things. I think I should really make sure it’s out of my system before I get back, wouldn’t want to pass this on to everyone else at the office–”

“Rey,” Poe cuts in hesitantly, trading a look with an equally suspicious Finn. “Is there… someone with you?”

“What?” she squeaks, all traces of laughter gone. “No, no,” Rey insists, throwing in an exaggerated cough. “Definitely not, wouldn’t risk anyone catching this–”

Finn shakes his head at the phone. “Peanut, it kinda sounds like–”

“Oh, hey, Finn! You’re there too. Anyway, I think I’m about to be sick again so I’m just gonna go now. Thanks for calling, guys, really appreciate it, see you at work tomorrow–” Here she misses a beat as the line crackles, almost as if something just hit her phone – “or maybe the day after, we’ll see how it goes! Bye!”

The line goes dead, leaving both men to stare at Poe’s phone and the contact photo it displays, a beaming Rey giving the camera one of her infamously bad winks.

“Oh my god,” Poe finally says when his screen goes dark. “She is _totally_ playing hooky right now.”

“For a guy!” Finn nearly yells, his eyes bugging out at this unexpected development. Poe watches as he begins to pace the office, muttering to himself until–

“Ben!” he exclaims, turning to Poe with a grin that stretches from ear to ear. “He was supposed to visit this weekend, remember? Rey wouldn’t shut up about it all month–”

“Holy shit, do you think they finally–”

Finn nods. “It’s the only possible explanation! You _know_ her, she’d never skip work for anything less than _finally_ getting together with him.”

After nearly five years of watching Rey pine for her college roommate, this is nothing short of an overwhelming turn of events. Poe collapses into his chair while Finn whips out his phone and feverishly taps at it, presumably calling Rey out on her little lie. “Sick leave my _ass_ ,” he scoffs as he sends off a text.

“More like dick leave,” Poe blurts out unthinkingly as his mind finally connects the background rumble to Ben Solo’s morning voice, only to startle when Finn drops his phone onto the carpeted surface as he bursts into laughter. He joins in as soon as his brain catches up, and Leia walks into his office to find the both of them clutching their sides as they fuel each other’s laughter.

“What’s going on here?” their boss demands, a smile tugging at her lips even as she attempts to sound stern. “And where’s Rey? She’s never late.”

Poe wipes away a stray tear and tries to compose himself only for Finn to turn to Leia with a completely straight face and proudly announce, “She’s on dick leave.”

The silence that follows leaves Poe’s ears ringing, a laugh caught in his throat as he throws Finn a panicked look before they both turn back to a wide-eyed Leia, speechless for all of five seconds before she lets out a dry chuckle.

“Well,” she rasps, eyes glittering with mischief. “If he’s anything like his father, she’s definitely earned that recovery time.”

And with that bombshell, their boss sweeps out of Poe’s office and leaves both of them stunned into silence.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: *bitches endlessly about writer's block and abandons my WIP*  
> Also me: *writes this*
> 
> This was a one-hour speed-write for diasterisms, who had [the best autocorrect mishap of all time](https://twitter.com/kylorenvevo/status/1148625208267268096). OF ALL TIME. Thea, I hope this gave you as much of a laugh as the initial tweet gave me.
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope y'all enjoyed this! Please don't hesitate to leave a comment below, or come say hi on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/hiraeth_writes) and [Tumblr](https://eleanor-writes-stuff.tumblr.com/)!


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